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Coming back soon:
New dictionary words
(Inspired by "The meaning of Liff" by Douglas Adams and John Lloyd)
Here is my list of essential, but hitherto non existent, words. You will find yourself using these.
cannibag (noun) - a plastic carrier bag, normally stored in the kitchen, which is used to contain other bags. (Hence also cannibagism - the act of putting a bag inside another.)
cellselfie (noun) - the call you make from your landline to your own mobile number because you've put your mobile phone down at home somewhere but can't find it.
checkwait (noun) - the pause before you post your killer funny social media status (or comment) while you Google to check a spelling or definition. You spend the entire checkwait hoping that nobody better informed (hence doesn't have to check) posts the same thing before you.
coffmax (verb) - to buy a single coffee in a Starbucks, Costa or Nero and make it last for at least ninety minutes. Usage: "Me and Ena went that way, and coffmaxed nearly half the day." (Wordsworth, 'Ode to Ena',1832)
contrakid (noun) - a child who runs miles, works out in the gym, plays sport or attends dance classes, etc, but finds it too difficult to return a used glass to the kitchen.
dulldin (noun) - the strangely bland sound you hear when you have in only one of your music player earphones, that becomes wonderfully rich, head filling stereo when you pop in the other one.
flexicoat (noun) - an outdoor jacket that will more or less do for any weather scenario (vaguely cold, vaguely warm, light snow, hail, heavy rain, drizzle, clear sky). Ideal for a day like today, because all are possible. If you live in England it's more or less the only coat you will ever need.
fullplus (noun) - the ability we all have to hold one more carrier bag even after we think we are already carrying our maximum.
lingerboast (verb) - to claim that snow stays on the pavement on your street longer than anywhere else.
murkcusp (noun) - the point in an extended washing episode (dishes, paint brushes etc) at which putting the next item in the bowl will make it dirtier.
neglisec (noun) - the amount of time that the iPad FaceBook app can retain the fact that I want newsfeed stories in "most recent" order, not its inexplicable sequence of "top stories". Ten neglisecs equal one blink of the eye.
phoneysmile (noun) - a random smile or chuckle that you do for affect when you are reading messages on your mobile phone alone but in a public space. It is an attempt to convince any onlookers that you do have interesting and witty friends, but they are just not with you right now.
postprevex (noun) - the anger you feel when watching a recording from some weeks ago which includes a preview for something coming up that you would have enjoyed, but has now been and gone.
psychicsnack (noun) - any foodstuff that a child suddenly wants despite never having mentioned it before, and you are meant to have in your cupboard, fridge or freezer.
raresense (noun) - a brief and uncharacteristic moment of self insight, such as correctly deciding not to open wine because you are not really in the right mood. Usage: "And so it came that the fourth wise king did in raresense put back the gift of the Christmas reindeer jumper to the shelf, and being without gift remained in the East, sending forth the three without him." St Michael's Gospel, New Testament, second to last revised edition.
rompal (noun) - a preferred alternative to 'partner' or 'girlfriend /boyfriend' etc to describe a person in a romantic relationship when over thirty, not living together, and not formally attached through marriage or similar.
seniorstart (verb) - what you do when you realise you've forgotten quite what you were going to say, so you start to talk in a kind of vague and open way in the hope of remembering part way through.
smearaction (verb) - to invoke a random app or initiate a call etc when all you are trying to do is clean the screen of your phone or tablet.
subsgrub (noun) - the meal you eventually have to eat which you've been stuck with since the day you failed to properly check the substitutions when your groceries were delivered.
therefornow (noun) - any household object that doesn't have an obvious or natural place that you'd like it to be kept in. Every time you tidy an area of your home you find one or more therefornows, and move them to some other place where they will stay until that place get's tidied.
thriday (noun) - the feeling, on a Thursday, that it should be, or is, Friday.
waitfoe (adjective) - describes the pose and facial expression of a bad actor in a fight scene at the moment when the goodie is taking on three baddies, and a baddie that has been felled gets up but has to wait for the currently engaged baddie to be felled before they have another go. It would spoil the scene if they joined in too early (because they'd win), so they stand in line looking pained until it's their turn to be felled again.
winesigh (verb) - the act of looking at a bottle of wine hoping there is a glass or two left but seeing it is empty.